… then I’m William Shakespeare.

In an interview on CNN, Winehouse claims that the tabloids exaggerate her wild and bizarre life, never photographing her when she’s “sober and calm.”

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In case anyone was wondering what she saw in Howard K. Stern, I’m betting it was the free legal assistance. TMZ somehow got their little mitts on Larry Birkhead’s bill from his not-any-longer attorney, and BOY was it a doozy! You’d think at a rate of $475 an hour, she wouldn’t need to pad the bill, but $50 tips on $111.00 meals, 10 hours of travel time for trips he supposedly didn’t want her to go on, roaming charges of over $4000 on her cell phone, an $1100 (!!!!!!) dinner in the Bahamas with Birkhead’s Bahamian attorney, and the next night, a $2400.00 meal at the same restaurant.

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There. I said it. I can’t even keep UP with the rumors about Jude Law.

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I felt bad about Jenna Jameson’s supposed botched vaginoplasty, I really did. I can imagine that things down there got stretched out from hard use over the years, and after getting revved up about her new film How to Make Love Like a Pornstar, Jenna probably wanted to do some maintenance. In the perfect example of poor word choice, a source told the NY Daily news that “She has decided to hole up and not speak to anybody. The producers are about to pull the plug on the movie.”  That’s too bad, but in the spirit of Wynonna Judd and the tough-luck club, there’s no escaping an ugly outfit. Are skull scarves going to disappear soon?

Do you remember when Christina Ricci was an awkward looking, sorta chubby teen? Well, judging from these pics of her at the Samsonite Black Label event, she has worked very hard to get where she is now. Those bangs are making her look even better, and the last trace of lightbulb forehead has finally been erased. Now she just looks fantastically smokin’. I’m so impressed. Really, there’s hope for everyone. 

Michelle Trachtenberg certainly doesn’t push the right buttons for me most of the time, but I’m the first person to admit when someone looks flawless (contrary to popular belief). First of all, this is cleavage done right. See? On the ever-popular subject of breasts, Michelle is sexy without being over-the-top. It can be done! All it takes is the right sized dress for the perfect drape effect. Okay, she’s a little shiny looking. But, still–who cares when you’re wearing a dress like that?

Apparently, the Brits are thinking that those of us on this side of the pond are a bit prudish. The Sun was a bit confused by a recent open letter that appeared in Us begging Victoria Beckham to wear a bra.

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… to replace Bob Barker. 

TMZ has the scoop on a possible replacement for The Price Is Right host Bob Barker, and apparently, The Powers That Be feel that the American public would be more accepting of a replacement for the long-time host so long as the leathery skin looked the same. Their solution? The uber-tanned George Hamilton, who is allegedly the first choice for Barker’s replacement.

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The latest in the Anna Nicole Smith never-ending saga is that Howard K. Stern is trying to delay everything every which way he can. First, he asked for a delay in the Bahamian inquest into the death of Anna Nicole’s son Daniel, saying that most of the jury pool was probably biased due to the insane amount of media coverage of Anna Nicole, and that the jury should be screened for said bias.

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Britney Spears is all ready to get back in the game, with the 170 pounds of dead weight known as Kevin Federline excised.

Of course, apparently, getting back in the game means getting more tattoos than a porn star and causing a near-shooting at Sunday church services, but hey, at least it’s not rehab, right?

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